


Idolise You

by btstarjk



Category: Super Junior, 아는 형님 | Knowing Bros | Ask Us Anything
Genre: M/M, SS7S, kyungchul, sweet dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 06:54:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17997005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/btstarjk/pseuds/btstarjk
Summary: Kyunghoon never understood why anyone would want to be an idol, until he got the chance to perform at a Super Show.





	Idolise You

**Author's Note:**

> Just me trying to process the fact that Heechul and Kyunghoon performing Sweet Dream at SS7S actually happened.
> 
> Obviously this is all fictional, I have no idea what Kyunghoon thinks of the idol industry or what happened backstage at the concert.

Kyunghoon had never understood why anyone would want to be an idol. This was nothing to do with the music; he had learned all of the lyrics to HOT’s ‘Candy’ as a teenager and spent so much time with TVXQ after they debuted that he probably knew most of their debut album by heart, and now he was slowly starting to recognise the ins and outs of Super Junior’s discography beyond the chorus of ‘Sorry Sorry’. It also wasn’t the dancing or the acting or the variety skills. Kyunghoon was competitive and he envied those that seemed to be able to do all the things he struggled with and make them look so easy. No, what he hated was the huge pressure to achieve perfection which was never quite attainable.

He had experienced a taste of that pressure himself when he was at the height of his fame, something which had made a small contribution to the group tension that led to their disbandment. He had hated the fact that his members could perform to thousands of adoring fans screaming their names, then walk out of the concert venue without a single person recognising them all the way back to their apartment. Meanwhile Kyunghoon (maknae, vocalist, frontman, Korea’s pretty boy of the month) felt as though he was always being watched and always being scrutinised. He had all the popularity of an idol back then but had never learned to behave like one. Whether it was his openness about his pre debut relationships, a cheeky cigarette in the background of an MTV broadcast or his outright refusal to do variety shows, Kyunghoon knew he was lucky that being in a band meant he was never going to be held to quite the same standards as the idols he mingled with backstage at music shows. Nobody forced him into a double-eyelid surgery to “correct” his one unique monolid, or made him work out until he could take off his shirt on stage to reveal a perfect set of washboard abs, and for that he was grateful.

He listened to Heechul in between filming as he talked excitedly about Super Junior’s future plans and told stories of their whirlwind trips around the globe, appearing at foreign award shows and landing at the airport in places Kyunghoon couldn’t even point out on a map, to thousands of adoring fans. There was a small part of him, perhaps the more competitive part, which always wondered ‘could that have been me?’ – if Buzz had held it together for just a few more years, if he’d paid for the best vocal coach out of his own pocket or pushed through the anxiety and appeared on more variety shows, would he be the one on the bedroom walls of teenage girls all over the planet? Yet he still didn’t think it was worth it, the idol industry to him was dispatch and black oceans and a text in the middle of the night telling him Yunho had been poisoned. Every time Heechul broke down over a glass of soju worrying whether he was one missed performance away from his fans leaving him, Kyunghoon resisted the urge to shout “fuck them! Your happiness is more important!” it wasn’t his place, and he felt lucky Heechul was choosing to confide in him at all.  
Not that he would ever tell Heechul, but all of this is the reason he refused to perform at SMTown. Their song being a hit with the general public was one thing, but these were fans who were paying to see their favourite idols, not him. What if they didn’t want to see him there? What if they didn’t even know who he was? As he considered Heechul’s offer he was haunted by the thought of the entire stadium going dark and silent the moment he started to sing – he couldn’t afford another knock to his confidence. Then there was the idea of being stuck backstage for hours with nobody to talk to but his manager. He pictured dozens of idols who had grown up together sharing jokes and stories he would never be a part of and Heechul would probably be at the centre of it all.

3 years and a lot of gained confidence later, he finally said yes to performing with Heechul, this time at a Super Junior concert. He didn’t understand why Heechul had hugged him so tightly or why Hyukjae had thanked him 10 times in the space of a minute, all he knew is that Heechul had apparently seen first hand on SNS that his fans were all supportive of their duo, and that now he’d spent enough time with the super junior members not to feel uncomfortable in a room with them. It was only when Heechul gave him their rehearsal schedule and started talking at light speed about everything they had planned for the concert that it hit Kyunghoon just how big of a deal this was.

He had to attend rehearsals at SM, much to his irritation, but Heechul made the experience as comfortable as possible for him. They passed some young idols in the corridor who greeted them politely and when Kyunghoon drew a blank at their identities Heechul must have sensed his discomfort and quickly introduced them as a few of the members of NCT. An SM vocal coach attended their practice but for the most part he just listened, giving Heechul a few pointers here and there but leaving Kyunghoon to do as he saw best. When they moved to rehearsing in the stadium itself Kyunghoon was in awe of just how big the place looked when it was empty. He looked around in silence before saying to himself that he hadn’t performed in front of this many people for over 10 years. Heechul heard him and took his hand in his, reassuring him that the fans would be just as excited to see him now as they were back then.

Backstage he was rushed into a world he hadn’t seen since he was a rookie sharing a waiting room with several other artists he didn’t know. There were hundreds of staff busy coordinating everything from costumes to props and lighting and SNS updates, a world away from 5 buzz members, their managers, a stylist and a couple of sound technicians. He started to realise that being an idol was about more than just the music, it was about putting on a real show, the way that very few others could. He found himself a comfortable spot in the corner, but he was by no means excluded from what was going on. He joked with Shindong about memorable moments on Knowing Bros, Leeteuk wanted to reminisce about all of the times they had met in the past and everything which had happened since then, and although Hyukjae was busy rushing around coordinating the whole thing but he still took the time to stop and ask Kyunghoon about the game he was playing on his phone.  
He watched from the other side of the room as Heechul was surrounded by the Kims putting together the finishing touches to his first outfit, complete with some kind of feathers in his hair – how very Heechul. When he stood up and turned around Kyunghoon couldn’t help but gasp. He looked like a prince, dressed in the most intricate black and gold jacket, his long hair tied back and his face set with perfectly applied makeup. He smiled and walked over to Kyunghoon who was still staring at the man in front of him.

Heechul twirled where he stood, “I bet you don’t get this at a Buzz concert,” he laughed.

“Oh well you’ve obviously never seen Yejun with feathers in his hair then,” Kyunghoon joked back. 

But Heechul was right, this was all entirely new to him, and as the rest of the Super Junior members began to gather in the centre of the room he was in awe at just how handsome they all looked in their outfits. Leeteuk gathered everyone together and they started to place their hands together in a circle just as the Buzz members often do to cheer themselves on before going on stage. Just then Heechul shouted to Kyunghoon across the other side of the room and gestured for him to come and join them. Kyunghoon was confused, he knew these things were like sacred rituals to performers and he wasn’t sure why Heechul would want him to join in, but Heechul grabbed Kyunghoon’s hand and placed it beneath his on top of the others with a reassuring squeeze. Kyunghoon looked around nervously but the other members were all smiling back at him.

“Thank you so much for joining us Kyunghoon hyung,” Hyukjae said, “today really is going to be special.”

“Yeah Heechul has been wanting this for a decade and he finally got his wish – you’re one of us now,” Leeteuk smiled.

They all gripped their hands tightly before lifting them up to a chorus of “fighting!” and it was finally time for the show to begin.

Kyunghoon got to watch the performances from a screen in the waiting room and found himself more engaged in what was going on than he had been with any other idol group. He was in awe of how powerful they looked with their costumes and choreography. He couldn’t help but smile when they sat down on their thrones and the crowd roared. He stayed that way for a while, every so often being interrupted by the members rushing backstage for a change of outfit or to get their makeup touched up, at which point they would ask Kyunghoon if he was enjoying the show and wish him good luck. Sometime later Heechul ran back into the room, stripping out of his clothes before the door was even shut behind him. This was nothing new of course, Kyunghoon had seen him changing many times backstage at Knowing Bros, but watching the Kims help him into a sheer black shirt with his hair and makeup done so perfectly was a different experience entirely. He looked so beautiful Kyunghoon couldn’t take his eyes off him. Heechul flashed him a quick smile before mumbling something about having to find his blindfold.

“Hyung, why do you need a blindfold?” Kyunghoon shouted from the other side of the room.

“You’ll have to wait and see Kyunghoonah,” Heechul winked.

Kyunghoon watched their performance of ‘It’s You’, vaguely remembering the song from back when it was first released. When Heechul finally came out, on his knees, blindfolded, singing with his head thrown back to reveal the long column of his neck, Kyunghoon’s mouth went dry and his heart rate skyrocketed. Maybe there was something to this idol business after all, he thought to himself as he fidgeted in his seat.

Before long it was time for their performance, and with one last reassuring squeeze of Heechul’s hands they headed to opposite sides of the stage. It was dark when Kyunghoon took his first tentative steps out onto the stage, but he could feel the energy in the room which he knew was filled with 15 thousand people. Onstage was where he felt most at home but that didn’t stop him feeling a little nervous this time. He took a deep breath and started to sing, and was completely astounded when the lights came up and the whole audience started to scream. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end and it took all of his concentration to focus on the lyrics and the melody, rather than stopping to take in the huge sea of blue spread out before them. 

They progressed through the song just as they’d practised and before they knew it they had reached the bridge, when they were to turn and walk towards each other, meeting at the centre of the stage. When he turned to Heechul and they locked eyes on one another, he suddenly felt completely overwhelmed. He was used to his band members quietly supporting him from behind; a reassuring smile after he hit a difficult note, a sly laugh whenever he messed up, but they mainly concentrated on themselves. Here, Heechul was only concentrating on him, and was looking at him as if he was the only other person in the world. He felt his knees go weak as Heechul smiled like he’d never been so happy, and when they finally met in the centre he had to look away to concentrate on what he was doing. Before he knew it the song was done, and he breathed a sigh of relief as they gave a quick greeting and left the stage to the sound of screaming fans.

As soon as the stage lights dimmed Heechul grabbed his hand, threading their fingers together, and Kyunghoon could hear him giggling to himself as they made their way off stage. No sooner had they made it back to the dressing room than the other Super Junior members started clapping and cheering for them. Kyunghoon’s ears started to turn red and he bowed to them slightly, not used to this kind of attention after a performance. Heechul suddenly pulled him into a hug, burying his face in his neck.

“Thank you Kyunghoon,” he said softly, placing the lightest kiss on his cheek before pulling away.

As he watched the rest of the show from backstage Kyunghoon came to the realisation that although he and Heechul came from different worlds, their everyday realities weren’t so different after all. Super Junior is a family the same way Buzz is, connected by all the highs and lows that only they have experienced. They started out as a bunch of nervous trainees, reached the highest place they could go and despite all the odds were still here all these years later. There were some inside jokes and stories that Kyunghoon would never be able to understand, but the fact that they had been willing to let him into their world, to perform at their concert, really was an honour.


End file.
